Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Still dying that you shit outside
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
