So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
