The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
