I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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