Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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