just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
