you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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