i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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