I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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