The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You made out with two different species that night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The Olympian is in my bed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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