He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
