i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
