She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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