I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
