Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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