we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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