i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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