Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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