Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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