I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
