dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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