i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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