Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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