How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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