went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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