i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
