Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
