U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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