I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
