She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
