I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
