from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
