Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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