singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
