Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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