plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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