Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
