Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
