yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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