Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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