D3 body, D1 cock
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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