so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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