Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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