12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
