sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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