i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
