I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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