Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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