I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
