I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
