dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
