Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
