A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
