i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I look better un-naked...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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